Communication has never been one of my strong suits.

Even still to this day, I would rather write an email or letter because it helps me think through what I want to say and keeps from jumbling up my thoughts. Up until recently in my marriage, when I felt wronged, hurt, or even just had something wrestling around in my mind, I didn't know how to get that across to Ty. Instead of having a normal, healthy conversation, I would ignore it. I would sit on it. I would let it stew until eventually it passed.

A little over a year ago, I started following Jeremy and Audrey Roloff on Instagram. I'm not one to follow celebrities, but was drawn to these two after first learning about their marriage ministry, Beating 50 Percent. Jeremy's family became famous with their TLC show, Little People, Big World. However, since they've stepped away, I have loved seeing both of them in a new light where they are honoring God, honoring the convenient of marriage, and building up other couples in the process. Last year, they shared their marriage journey in their book A Love Letter Life, along with practical advice they've found to be successful in building their own marriage.

I read this book quickly and loved all they stood for. Within these pages, they introduce a series of six questions they created prior to writing A Love Letter Life in a book called, The Marriage Journal. If I could gift couples, at any stage in their marriage, with one thing, this would be it. After listening to them talk about it both in this book, and on their podcast, Behind the Scenes, I approached Ty asking him if he would be up for doing these questions with me. I didn't have the book, but found the questions on another resource they had put out, so I created my own page, which we still use. 

About a year ago, I did a quick video on Facebook sharing my love for these questions and had a HUGE response from people asking for me to send them my copy of the questions, which I happily sent to probably 40+ people. I have also gifted The Marriage Journal book a few times to couples because I believe in it wholeheartedly. I can't WAIT to share them with you today, also!

The process is really quite simple. Once a week, couples are encouraged to sit down and answer the same six questions. We do ours on Sunday most weeks and it has become a sacred time for us. The questions cover a multitude of areas in which couples struggle to communication and/or just don't communicate about. Thankfully, I have the best husband, and at this point in our lives, things were starting to change in us, so he was open to anything that would bring life back into our marriage and home. We committed to sitting down together once a week and going through these questions together. So, to this day, I print out the questions, write down each of our our answers, and keep each one in a 3-ring binder.

Despite the simplicity of it, it has been completely transformational in our marriage. Communication was an area that we struggled with, but since doing these questions, we've learned to share the good, the hard, the ugly and difficult, and have dreamt together about where we feel God leading us.

So, let me briefly take you through the questions...

Question #1: What brought you joy this week?

How often in marriage, do we only focus on the hard elements of our day/week? I know I tend to do that more often than I'd like. I love this question because every time we answer it, I see a smile smear across our faces as we reminisce about the small and big joys of the week.

Question #2: What was something that was hard this week?

Because life is hard. And I found that as we share our struggles, we're either very much on the same page with things, or we see difficult areas of each other's lives that we might've been oblivious to throughout the week.

Question #3: What's one specific thing I can do for you this week?

I am beyond guilty of assuming my husband should know how I need help throughout the week. I have thought... I shouldn't have to TELL YOU how I need help. You should just know. I mean, come'on. How unhealthy is that thought alone? Communication people. Just tell them straight up.

Question #4: How can I pray for you this week?

Another question I love because of what it brings to the surface. Things I never realized my husband was even struggling with have come out through this question. It gives us specific areas in which we can serve each other through prayer.

Question #5: Is there anything that's gone unsaid, convictions, confessions, or unresolved hurt?

This one is a biggie. I am a mix of a 2 and 9 on the Enneagram, which is the Helper/Peacemaker. I love this, but it has also caused me to avoid conflict at all costs. If I know it's going to be hard to discuss, or cause an argument, I just... don't. I've actually loved this question, though, because it's given me a safe place to bring things up that I wouldn't normally. 

Question #6: What a dream, desire, or thought that's been on the forefront of your mind this week?

This is one of my favorites. It has been a place of dreams, frustrations, ideas, and just a place to work through some hard things together. It was in this question that we decided to pursue looking for a home... and then not, worked through how to introduce Sabbath into our life, discussed how to handle tough situations with the kids, and this was where the idea of this blog was born. I truly love having a designated spot to dream and talk about the big stuff with my guy.

At the end of the six questions, you have an opportunity to ask each other any other question(s) you might have.

End in prayer.

Following the questions and prayer time, we review our weekly schedule, which is also part of The Marriage Journal book if you were to go that route. This. Has. Been. Huge! How many times has something come up throughout the week and the conversation goes a little something like this...

Her: "Don't forget we have that meeting tonight."

Him: "What meeting?"

Her: "That meeting! I told you about it. We talked about it a few days ago. Remember?"

Him: "No you didn't. I haven't heard anything about this meeting."

Her: "Are you kidding me?? We talked about it."

And cue argument. Right? We have found that laying out our weekly engagements and commitments has hugely eliminated unnecessary arguments. We're able to discuss when and where we need to be so that throughout the week there are no surprises. Life changing.

There are also two other questions we usually discuss once a month, which are also part of The Marriage Journal.

1. How are we stewarding our finances?

2. How is our sex life?

Again, two very important questions that can lead to so many arguments, stress, and tension in a marriage and need to be discussed regularly and openly.

I cannot fully express what a gift these questions have been for our lives and our marriage. Every week we do them, the thought runs through my mind, "Why is every married couple not doing this?" God works deeply in each of us every single time we sit down and answer them. Walls begin crumbling and hearts are softened. 

I remember a time when Ty and I were fighting big time. I couldn't even begin to tell you what it was about, but Sunday night rolled around. Typically, Ty and I would sit together on Sunday afternoon and go through these, but the busyness of the day prevented that from happening, so here we were, right before bed, tired and angry with one another. He looked at me and said, "Alright. Let's do our questions."

I just started crying and said, "I don't want to do our questions."

He graciously, and calmly, looked at me and said, "I know. Me neither. But these are the times we need them the most." 

And you know what? By the end of it, and many tears later (on my end - haha!) we got through them and the argument was over. We were able to communicate where our hearts were and the dust settled quickly.

I will tell you, as you can see from the picture above, it's not always easy to make it through the questions with littles. There are many times I want to throw in the towel and say, "We'll try again later." But, I also believe it is hugely important for our kids to see us prioritizing our marriage and not stopping an extremely important practice in our lives, just to cater to their every need. I want my kids to see us pouring into our relationship with the Lord by pouring into our marriage.

Showing our kids how we prioritize each other and our marriage is one of the most important things we can do for them in preparing them for how they will one day live out their own marriage.

Friends. I love you. That is why I am desperate to share the PDF of The Marriage Journal questions we use, but better than that... support Jeremy and Audrey's marriage ministry by buying the book yourselves. You will not be disappointed.

I remember being 12-years-old and thinking how I could not wait to be a mom someday. I had a beautiful picture in my head of what motherhood looked like (nothing hard or negative, of course.) and I was so eager for the opportunity to get to experience this one day.

When Ty and I got married, I thought, "Okay, awesome. It'll just be us for a few months, and then wham - baby time!" But my dear, sweet, level-headed husband had other plans. You see, before getting married, Ty actually didn't want kids. He had planned to live a pretty low-key lifestyle and had no intention of disturbing that setup with kids. ...and then I came waltzing into his life with all the baby dreams floating about in my head.

In our first 3 years of marriage, our biggest arguments revolved around when to have a baby. Ty was working constantly and also in the middle of nursing school, and anyone who has gone through that before, knows how grueling and time consuming it is. He kept saying that it was just not the time and we needed to wait until he got through it. "I want to be there for that. I don't want to always be gone or busy." he would say. And then I would cry. It was hard. It was really hard.

After becoming a mom, I soon realized it was much more than picking out a cute name and dressing them up. I still thank Ty for keeping me grounded during this time. And, as always, thank God for his perfect timing timing.

Since I gave you the ins and outs of mine and Ty's journey last week, I wanted to introduce you to the three greatest gifts the Lord could have ever given us.

On May 31st, 2014, one day after my due date, I woke Ty up around midnight telling him that I thought it was time. I was completely terrified, excited, nervous, and anxious, not having any idea what to expect. After about four hours, with a room full of our family, we welcomed our beautiful boy, and our lives changed forever.

Jude James. Our long awaited baby. Nothing could have fully prepared me for the flood of emotions that would follow the birth of our first child. I remember holding him for days after he was born and just sobbing, thanking God that I got to be his mom. He was a light in our lives. 

Even at an early age, his mind worked in such a unique way. When he was two, he was lining up all his cars and dinosaurs by kind, color, and size. When he was three, he would spend an hour setting up an entire army scene with his soldiers, tanks, trees, and hideouts, but then not actually want to play because he didn't want to mess it up. And this was intriguing for a while. It was sweet the way he would play. But, it slowly progressed into some really difficult OCD-like behaviors. He was "diagnosed" with anxiety and sensory-avoidance disorder when he was just 4-years-old. You can watch more on our journey with that here.

Our family has grown so much in Jude's short little life. In a way, I'm thankful for what we went through. James 1:2-3 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." To see our trials and suffering through the lens of a joyful heart is not easy, and definitely something I couldn't do while we were in it. But, looking back on that time in our lives, I can see clearly that this trial transformed our hearts and ultimately, our family.

From that time in his life, Jude has developed and grown into the most incredible boy. I still look at him in awe the I get to be his mommy and I couldn't be more proud of the person he is becoming.

For the last few years, he has come to love everything about the United States Military. He's adamant about joining the army when he's old enough, and now I find myself worried that this is actually a thing and will happen. Lately, I've been asking the people I know in the military, "At what point in your life did you know you wanted to go into the military?" to which most will answer... as a child. Thankfully, he has given me about 14 years to prepare my heart to let him go do what the Lord has called him to do.

Next week, he starts kindergarten and couldn't be more excited. He's an eager learner, which *fingers-crossed*, never goes away. He's kind, inclusive, a healthy mix of tough and gentle, and extremely protective of his people. The kid has a bright future ahead of him and I couldn't be more grateful he's ours.

Jude was about 7 months when we found out we were pregnant with our sweet middle girl, Sawyer Grace. When I was pregnant with her, we were heavy into watching The Voice, which happened to be the season that Sawyer Fredericks was on there. If you've never heard him sing, go listen to him now. You're welcome. We love him. As we sat watching one night, we agreed, boy or girl, we would name this baby Sawyer.

Our Soy-girl was ready to enter this world immediately when the contractions started. After checking into the hospital, she was born exactly 1 hour later. No time for epidural or pain meds. We laugh now because my poor sister, who took some amazing photos of Jude's labor and birth planned on taking some with Sawyer, also. Not thinking we were in a huge rush, she got to the hospital just slightly before Sawyer.

She was born around 12:15AM on what was supposed to be, my first day of the new school year.

From the time she was a baby, Sawyer has had the most delicate, calm, quiet demeanor. We would say she was in her own little world because she could sit and play by herself quietly forever. She's still a very independent little girl in many aspects of her life.

For as long as I can remember, she has loved everything pink, frilly, sparkly, shiny, fluffy, and of course, covered in unicorns. She has beautiful, long Rapunzel-like hair (Ty refuses to cut it 😬) and has the biggest, brightest blue eyes ever. She talks with the sweetest little Jersey-like accent, so when she tells someone her name it sounds like, "Soy-ya". It's adorable.

Over the last year, we've really been able to see her come into her own and it's been both wonderful and an extremely hard season for her. Her sensitive little heart cannot handle when she feels like you are being mean or you've wronged her in any way, so we're learning that our approach with a little girl is far different than what we experienced with Jude. There is a lot more talking. Lots and lots of talking. In all areas, she needs kinder, softer, and gentler. 

She's uses this same approach in how she handles and cares for animals. Our girl loves any and all animals and often tells me she wants to be a zoo keeper when she gets older. She has moved from loving unicorns to loving the very much extinct, Tasmanian Tiger, thanks to her obsession with Wild Kratts.

The other day we were talking about Ocean Ramsey's documentary Saving Jaws and it completely broke our girl's heart what's happening to sharks around the world. She looks at me, and as serious as ever says, "Oh, that is just soo sad. When I get older I'm going to let a shark eat me. I feel so bad." She has such a genuine heart for all animals. Her love and gentle care for them is a window into her compassionate nature. She is always thinking of others and how to help them. Every day, I see her grow to be more and more like Jesus and I'm constantly learning from her, what a joy it is to be her mama.

Our third, and finally baby made her very, very quick debut on a cold January afternoon. I had taught all day and started feeling some uncomfortable pains once getting home. Nothing terrible, but close together, so we headed to the hospital shortly after. When they checked me in, the nurse said, "Well, you really don't seem like you're in labor, so don't get too comfortable. We will probably end up sending you home." Turns out, I was dilated to 9cm. She started to freak out a bit and quickly called in the doctor to double check.

Throughout the next hour I felt pain, but it was highly manageable. It was a weird experience. I would be laughing with everyone, stop for a minute to work through the contraction with my eyes closed, and then go back to laughing.

At one point, I shifted, had a contraction and said, "She's coming!" and our precious #3 was here in 2 pushes.

Our spunky girl, Quynn Elise, has been keeping us on our toes ever since. 

Quynny is such a little firecracker. When she's feeling especially feisty, she grits her teeth off to the side, talks in a funny growly voice, and calls me a big chicky. Over the years, she has developed the most fun and creative personality. She could play make-believe for hours and always has elaborate stories to tell of all that's happening in her make-believe world. She loves Disney princesses and desperately wants to go to Disneyland so she can visit one in real life. You can often find her in a princess dress, spinning in slow circles, and singing to the Frozen 2 soundtrack in the kitchen.

She also is a bit more reserved and keeps to herself more than the others. She's the most shy of the three and has a hard time stepping out of the comfort of what she's familiar with. I posted on Facebook the other day that if you ever try to say hi to her, ask for a hug or kiss, or simply say, "Hello!" to her and she gives you one of her famous scowls, it's not you... it's her. She's a bit of a sassy pants, but boy do we love her.

Raising these little babes has been such an honor and each of them brings such a unique aspect to our team. Most of the time, I have no idea what the heck I'm doing and often find myself saying, "I wish God would just tell me what to do." Raising children is definitely not for the faint hearted. It has tested me in ways I never thought to be possible and has brought me to near breaking points, but what an absolute gift it is to get to pour into this next generation and get to teach them every day about the love of Jesus.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6: 5-7

Our greatest goal for them as they grow up is that they would learn to love God and love people.

When an expert on the law stood up to test Jesus in Luke 25, asking Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life, Jesus made it so simple and clear.

vs. 27 "He answered, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'love your neighbor as yourself.'"

So, that's it. It's that simple. Love God. Love people. We need more of this in our world.

When Jude turned 6, he asked me, "Is it alright if now that I'm 6, I can call you mom instead of mommy?" In that moment, my heart ached at how fast time is passing. When you're living it every day, you are a bit oblivious to the the immense changes happening right before your eyes and the speed it's happening. I often have to remind myself that this is a good thing and this is why God trusted us with these sweet souls. Each stage is new, different, and hard. Raising these little ones has kept me fully dependent on the Lord because there is no possible way I could do it without His guidance, strength, and grace.

Now, if you'll excuse me... I have three precious babies to go love on.

Hi, thanks for coming back.

I thought it would be helpful before we get too deep into this thing, for me to introduce myself and my people, so those of you who don't know us, can have a bit of context. 

First, let me introduce myself. My name is Tye. Starting a blog is the last thing I ever would've expected myself to do. I am the person who thrives in the comfort zone. I'm perfectly happy taking cute pictures of my kids and keeping all my thoughts to myself (or my husband... he gets the brunt of most of it. Bless his heart). Although, from a young age, I fell in love with writing as a way to create and express all the crazy thoughts running through my head. So, here I am, inviting you into the crazy with me.

In middle school and early high school, I wanted to be a pastry chef and own a bakery. To this day, I absolutely love to cook and bake. My mom is an amazing cook and taught my sisters and I early on in our lives how to follow in her foot steps. Thanks, mama! (My sister at The Elliott Homestead even got a shot at a cooking show on The Food Network!) I knew I would have to choose early on what I wanted to pursue as a career because I did Running Start in high school, which allowed me to graduate high school with my AA degree, thus entering college as an 18-year-old junior, jumping right into my major. 

I remember sitting with my mom, just a confused 16-year-old, contemplating the path I would take and her gently encouraging me, saying, "You should be a teacher. You would make the cutest bulletin boards."

Done. 

That was it. That was the BIG moment when I decided to become a teacher, and quite honestly, could. not. wait. to create all the bulletin boards in my classroom.

I came out of college during the crash of the economy in 2009, which meant no teaching jobs. I subbed every single day in whatever grade level and subject area I could for 3 years. The door finally opened up for me to teach 7th grade Language Arts, Social Studies, and Leadership at the same middle school I went to. It was only a year-long contract, but I was ecstatic. This year of teaching taught me so much about myself and what I wanted to accomplish in my position as a teacher. It also opened up my eyes to how much I truly adore middle schools. Those sweet, awkward souls just needed someone to love them.

This position ultimately lead me to the school I would call home for the next 7 years. I moved up a grade to teach 8th grade Language Arts and Social Studies. The Lord was so good in opening this door for me because it helped me to grow into the woman I am today. I will forever be thankful for the opportunity I was given.

I've stepped away from teaching this year to be a homemaker and play a more active role in my children's lives as things are just getting to be a bit more chaotic and busy around here. This was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make and it hurt terribly the day I had to walk that resignation letter into my principal. I never in my wildest dreams would've ever thought the day would come when I'd walk away, but the Lord was very clear that this was the right move for us, and I'm beyond excited for our new adventure.

Along with being in the kitchen, I also have a severe obsession with beautiful fonts and love creating and designing on the computer. I always joked about leaving teaching to just create posters and curriculum full-time. My favorite outfit is a nice pair of jeans and crewneck sweatshirt (fashion is not my forte...) and I still have an insane passion for helping to raise up our youth to be different in this really hard, messy world we live in. I love deeply and avoid conflict at all costs.

This little cutie here is my husband, Ty. Yup. You heard it. We have the same name. Or, boy Ty and girl Tye, as we're often referred to. He wears that same raggedy old hat every day and refuses to buy jeans over $20 because he goes through them so quickly. He keeps me on my toes and laughing daily. In the same way he makes me laugh, he has also made sure that my eye rolls, sarcasm, and "teacher look" stay strong. He always tells me, "If I weren't around, you would get bored!" So very true.

Ty and I had a whirlwind relationship. We first met when I was just 16-years-old and we worked at Red Robin together. I can still remember him walking up to the host stand where I was to check his section in his red shirt, bleach blonde hair, tan skin, and earrings. Whew. What a hottie. We laugh because he remembers telling one of his ex-girlfriends that if he ever got the chance to date me, he would. (Who does that?!) I guess the Lord was working in our hearts, even back then. But, as I always say, God's timing is perfect. If Ty and I had dated back then, our story would've been much different.

I was coming off a couple of absolutely life-crushing relationships when my aunt called me saying, "Okay honey, I work with this guy named Ty and he is a catch. I want to give him your number, but I don't want to waste him on you if you're not ready." 

I knew exactly who she was talking about, so without the slightest hesitation, I said, "YES! Give it to him!" 

After hanging out a few times, we started dating in January 2010, got engaged on my 21st birthday in March, and were married in July. There was no lollygagging for us. When you know, you know, right? As cliché as that sounds, it's true. Neither of us wanted a prolonged engagement because we knew this was it. Through this relationship, we both focused on deepening our relationship with the Lord, wanting to set ourselves, and our marriage, up for success from the start.

Ten years and three beautiful kids later, here we are. 

More in love and stronger than ever. 

What I love most about Ty and learn from him daily, is his ability to see a problem and do something about it. So often, we recognize a problem in our lives, but we remain stagnant, not wanting to do the hard thing, but Ty is all about it. He recognized in his early 20's that he could not drink alcohol responsibly, so he stopped. A few years ago, he saw that social media was contributing to his escapist behavior and taking time away from what really matters, so he deleted it. When our family was really struggling, he had the hard conversation with me about needing to change our formations in our home. He's an all-or-nothing kind of guy, and through that quality, has helped pave a path of success for our family.

Our journey is certainly not unique. We've had good times and some really hard times, but we are a killer team. By working together and within our specific roles, we are able to support the spiritual health of our family. We approach our life, not as individuals, but both giving 100%. Responsibilities in our home do not fall solely on one or the other, but instead those responsibilities are shared. Whenever necessary, we hold each other accountable, and wrestle with some big ideas, thoughts, and dreams often.

We still argue, annoy each other, and struggle being two sinners brought together. In Genesis 2, it literally says that in marriage we become one flesh. Merging two imperfect people together is hard work. It takes daily, intentional practice, and years and year of working at it. 

It's been a blessing to work through this by his side and to be bringing up the next generation together. More on those three cuties next week.

We certainly don't have it figured out yet, but we're practicing and growing every single day.