On Sundays, I like to sit and get myself somewhat organized for the week. I've always used a monthly calendar to keep track of events, but a while back, I designed a weekly plan document that I print and use to write out our weekly schedule, reminders, grocery lists, etc. I used this sheet quite religiously up until March. Once places were forced to shut down, our weekly plans became quite dull. This last Sunday, I decided that I wanted to get back into that habit, as things are picking up a bit with the end of summer approaching and the start of school in sight. However, as I started to think about what this new school year has in store for us, I just got sad.
This is a big year in the Goodrich household. Our oldest, Jude, is starting Kindergarten. Jude's story is a post for another time, but it has been a journey raising this sweet boy of ours. He was ready for his first day of kinder all the way back in March when he suddenly had to stop attending Pre-K due to COVID, thinking that meant it was time to go to kindergarten. I briefly mentioned the word homeschool in conversation with a friend when Jude interrupted me with, "No homeschool! Noooooo homeschool!" Our guy was big time excited to get to go to a real big kid school this fall. ...and then we got the news that schools with be starting online this fall instead of in person. My heart broke for him. My expectations for what this fall was going to look like suddenly shattered. I will miss out on the opportunity to help in Jude's classroom, pack his lunches, walk him to his classroom for the first time, or even pick out the perfect first day of school outfit that he will absolutely not wear because he is so stinkin' picky about his clothes. I will no longer have precious one-on-one time with our youngest, Quynn, when her older two siblings are at school. And selfishly, I was really looking forward to having a bit of extra time to just create. Instead, my focus will be on creating the best work environment for our boy and helping him feel peace in this unfortunate reality. Instead of helping in his classroom, I will be helping him navigate a virtual classroom, Zoom meetings, and learning to read and write on a computer.
Unmet expectations are hard.
How to best handle these situations in which reality trumps our vision of what should be, is even harder.
Thanks in large part to social media, we've built an imagine in our minds of what our lives should look like. We are flooded with images of other people's highlight reels, which has ultimately distorted our reality and created a world of comparison. What we look for now out of our lives, relationships, jobs, families, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, homes, homeschool experience (or lack of!), etc. has been met with unrealistic expectations because of what we "see" others doing. What I've found (but definitely not mastered!) as I get older, is the importance of recognizing that what people put out on social media is a sliver of reality and trying to live up to those standards will leave me feeling sad and empty. Our lives simply cannot be wrapped up in things of this world because those things are fleeting. They. Will. Always. Disappoint. But, you know what? Jesus will not. He always shows up, even if it is to answer our prayers with, "No." or "Not yet." And that, my friend, can be a hard pill to swallow when we have certain expectations for what should be. I know that feeling all too well.
Ty and I have been trying to find the "right" home for what we envision for our family down the road since about October of last year. It feels like it's been forever, though. Just this week, our realtor showed up one of the most stunning houses I've ever seen. I said to Ty that it looked just like a house out of Good Housekeeping magazine. It was beautiful. I got our pre-approval letter before even going to see the house because I expected that this was the one and we would certainly make an offer on it as soon as we saw it. I prayed. I prayed hard. "Lord, please make it crystal clear to me if this is the home for us. I want it so badly, but not if you have something greater in store for us. I think this is it, though. Is this the home for us?" I prayed out loud, I prayed quietly, I journaled. I was ready to hear His answer, but only if it was "YES GIRL! This is it!" We walked through the home and I was giddy. We were excited as we hopped in the car, talking about a possible offer we might put in. ...and then Ty says to me, "Did it feel broken up to you?" No, no way. Don't you say that. This is our home. This is perfect. I thought to myself. But that gut-wrenching feeling wouldn't go away. Our dream is to own a home that is welcoming, open, and a place where we can host people/events/celebrations/holidays comfortably. Guys... as beautiful as this home was... it was not that place. We wrestled with this idea the entire way home. I was allowing the beauty of this home and my expectations going into it to overshadow what the Lord placed on our heart a year ago. The reality here - we had to walk away from it and it hurt. I was so sad. But again, I say, our Lord is faithful. Our Lord's reality is farrrrrrrr greater than our own expectations for our lives.
Ty always points me back to this picture.
Here's what I know for certain. God is the only constant. The world may be crumbling around us and what we hoped and dreamed for, might be coming to a screeching halt, but we are never promised an easy, happy, or picturesque life. In fact, the opposite.
Jesus tells us in John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Jesus came to this world and died for you and for me. And even in his final moments leading up to that, he prayed that if it were in God's will that He would take this from him. His reality was about as a far from pleasant as one can get, yet through it, God's peace reigned; peace that was able to surpass the utter heartache as Jesus hung on the cross.
It is really hard to let go of what we believe is right or what we believe a situation should look like. I am still trying to envision what this fall is going to look like for schools (Teachers, you are in my prayers big time!). It's not going to be easy, but God works beauty into even the most troubling times. I don't know where you stand with it all, but I do know that this is our reality right now and this isn't your battle to fight. Trust God. Have faith. Take a deep breath and pray for our schools.
Your children's teachers are also dealing with unmet expectations right now. About this time, they would all be going into their classrooms, excited for the upcoming school year. They'd be putting new posters on the wall, writing name tags, making rosters, and working to create a comfortable learning environment for your children.
Teachers are hurting as they face this new reality. Practice extending grace and remember, sometimes it's difficult to see God working in situations, but He can work wonders through even the most trying times.
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