We were reading the kids' Bible the other night before bed when we came upon the story of Mary and Martha. If you haven't read it, the story goes something like this...
There were two sisters, Mary and Martha, who welcomed Jesus into their home for the night. Martha, like many of us, saw all that needed to be done to prepare for guests - the cooking, the cleaning, etc. - and was focused on getting all the things done. And while Martha was hard at work, Mary sat at the feet of Jesus listening to all he had to say and marveling at his goodness. Martha naturally became very upset that Mary was not helping her, saying to Jesus, "Lord don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
Jesus replied, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
I came to Ty the next morning and said, "Ugh. I'm Martha. I need to be more Mary, but I am all Martha right now."
Lately, I've felt a stirring inside of me and have been continually hearing that I need to be abiding in Christ more.
Lord, why do I not have more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? To obtain the Fruits of the Spirit, you must abide in Me.
Lord, why do I feel disconnected? How can you connect with someone you do not spend time with regularly? Abide in me.
Lord, my faith feels surface level. How can you expect to have a deep faith when I am an afterthought? Abide in me.
Lord, I want my children to know You, trust You, and faithfully walk with You. Then you must model it for them every single day. Abide in me.
When learning a new skill or concept, what must we do in order to have a deeper understanding of it and to become better at it? Spend time actually doing it, right? It's no different here, so why would I expect it to be? But to be honest, this is a sincere struggle for me. It is not my go-to and it does not come naturally to me yet. I'm still trying to figure out what this looks like and how to do it in a way that is authentic and instinctual.
As many know, when you have littles, time is scarce. Sitting down for any length of time is difficult to do because you're either thinking of all the things that need to get done (guilty!) or you're quickly interrupted by someone who needs something. I listened to a Bridgetown sermon the other day titled "Pray as you Can" which was such a good message that prayer is going to look different for each person and within each season of life. The point is, though, that we pray however we can, whenever we can in our current circumstances. I think I have gotten this picture in my head that prayer, and time with the Lord in general, must look a certain way. The house must be clean, the candle lit, the coffee hot, blah,blah,blah. And don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE those moments when that is what my time with Jesus looks like. However, if I am always waiting around for my circumstances to fit into that picture of what I believe "abiding" looks like, then I will constantly be chasing after something that is simply unattainable in my life right now. Not to say it doesn't happen, but it's rare, which means that my abiding in Christ is going to have to look a little messier these days.
What I am coming to realize and learn from this is that abiding means more than just my daily time with Him. It's going through the grind of life hand-in-hand with Him. It means that when I have asked my children 800 times to brush their teeth and put their shoes on in the morning, and I've reach my limit and am about to lose it, I go to Him instead and pray, "Lord, give me more of whatever I need to love them well and show them Your grace and mercy." It means that when Ty and I have had an argument and I want to prove my point and show him just how wrong he was by giving him the silent treatment, I go to Jesus and say, "Humble me, Lord. Help me seek forgiveness and show forgiveness." It means that when I have small moments of victory as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, human-being, I say, "Thank you, Lord. That was amazing." Abiding is not simply just a single moment in my day... it needs to become my all day, everyday walk with God.
Coming to this realization is a good first step. We can't be Mary forever, right? Things have to get done around the house. Laundry must get washed, the kitchen must get cleaned, kids have to be bathed, food has to be cooked. But the difference is that Mary's heart was in the right place. Abiding in Christ is being able to go through all of the tasks of the day with Jesus by my side. Praying as I go throughout my day, seeking guidance, working through the hard moments, and praising Him in the good ones.
However, let me just set the record straight...this is not something I've mastered. This is not even something I'm good at. Right now, it is merely something I have come to realize and desperately want. It is a message I'm hearing over and over, and typically when that happens, it's because it's something I need to hear. So, I'm doing my best to listen and study it and better understand it so that I can actually live it out in my daily life. I so badly want to be the type of person that takes everything to God first. I do not want to continue down the path of reacting immediately without seeking God's help in the situation. I want to be the person that naturally pours out the Fruits of the Spirit on those around her. But hear me loud and clear - I am not that person... yet. This is a spiritual discipline that is going to take intentionality, hard work, and years of practice. I know that as I continue down this path, my heart will be shifted to be more like Mary's - obedient, adoring, and in awe of Jesus' presence in my life. And my Martha brain will begin to realize that while the daily tasks still must get done, they are insignificant in comparison to being filled with the Holy Spirit so that all day, everyday, I get to walk in step with Jesus, abiding in him through it all.
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