I remember being 12-years-old and thinking how I could not wait to be a mom someday. I had a beautiful picture in my head of what motherhood looked like (nothing hard or negative, of course.) and I was so eager for the opportunity to get to experience this one day.
When Ty and I got married, I thought, "Okay, awesome. It'll just be us for a few months, and then wham - baby time!" But my dear, sweet, level-headed husband had other plans. You see, before getting married, Ty actually didn't want kids. He had planned to live a pretty low-key lifestyle and had no intention of disturbing that setup with kids. ...and then I came waltzing into his life with all the baby dreams floating about in my head.
In our first 3 years of marriage, our biggest arguments revolved around when to have a baby. Ty was working constantly and also in the middle of nursing school, and anyone who has gone through that before, knows how grueling and time consuming it is. He kept saying that it was just not the time and we needed to wait until he got through it. "I want to be there for that. I don't want to always be gone or busy." he would say. And then I would cry. It was hard. It was really hard.
After becoming a mom, I soon realized it was much more than picking out a cute name and dressing them up. I still thank Ty for keeping me grounded during this time. And, as always, thank God for his perfect timing timing.
Since I gave you the ins and outs of mine and Ty's journey last week, I wanted to introduce you to the three greatest gifts the Lord could have ever given us.
On May 31st, 2014, one day after my due date, I woke Ty up around midnight telling him that I thought it was time. I was completely terrified, excited, nervous, and anxious, not having any idea what to expect. After about four hours, with a room full of our family, we welcomed our beautiful boy, and our lives changed forever.
Jude James. Our long awaited baby. Nothing could have fully prepared me for the flood of emotions that would follow the birth of our first child. I remember holding him for days after he was born and just sobbing, thanking God that I got to be his mom. He was a light in our lives.
Even at an early age, his mind worked in such a unique way. When he was two, he was lining up all his cars and dinosaurs by kind, color, and size. When he was three, he would spend an hour setting up an entire army scene with his soldiers, tanks, trees, and hideouts, but then not actually want to play because he didn't want to mess it up. And this was intriguing for a while. It was sweet the way he would play. But, it slowly progressed into some really difficult OCD-like behaviors. He was "diagnosed" with anxiety and sensory-avoidance disorder when he was just 4-years-old. You can watch more on our journey with that here.
Our family has grown so much in Jude's short little life. In a way, I'm thankful for what we went through. James 1:2-3 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." To see our trials and suffering through the lens of a joyful heart is not easy, and definitely something I couldn't do while we were in it. But, looking back on that time in our lives, I can see clearly that this trial transformed our hearts and ultimately, our family.
From that time in his life, Jude has developed and grown into the most incredible boy. I still look at him in awe the I get to be his mommy and I couldn't be more proud of the person he is becoming.
For the last few years, he has come to love everything about the United States Military. He's adamant about joining the army when he's old enough, and now I find myself worried that this is actually a thing and will happen. Lately, I've been asking the people I know in the military, "At what point in your life did you know you wanted to go into the military?" to which most will answer... as a child. Thankfully, he has given me about 14 years to prepare my heart to let him go do what the Lord has called him to do.
Next week, he starts kindergarten and couldn't be more excited. He's an eager learner, which *fingers-crossed*, never goes away. He's kind, inclusive, a healthy mix of tough and gentle, and extremely protective of his people. The kid has a bright future ahead of him and I couldn't be more grateful he's ours.
Jude was about 7 months when we found out we were pregnant with our sweet middle girl, Sawyer Grace. When I was pregnant with her, we were heavy into watching The Voice, which happened to be the season that Sawyer Fredericks was on there. If you've never heard him sing, go listen to him now. You're welcome. We love him. As we sat watching one night, we agreed, boy or girl, we would name this baby Sawyer.
Our Soy-girl was ready to enter this world immediately when the contractions started. After checking into the hospital, she was born exactly 1 hour later. No time for epidural or pain meds. We laugh now because my poor sister, who took some amazing photos of Jude's labor and birth planned on taking some with Sawyer, also. Not thinking we were in a huge rush, she got to the hospital just slightly before Sawyer.
She was born around 12:15AM on what was supposed to be, my first day of the new school year.
From the time she was a baby, Sawyer has had the most delicate, calm, quiet demeanor. We would say she was in her own little world because she could sit and play by herself quietly forever. She's still a very independent little girl in many aspects of her life.
For as long as I can remember, she has loved everything pink, frilly, sparkly, shiny, fluffy, and of course, covered in unicorns. She has beautiful, long Rapunzel-like hair (Ty refuses to cut it 😬) and has the biggest, brightest blue eyes ever. She talks with the sweetest little Jersey-like accent, so when she tells someone her name it sounds like, "Soy-ya". It's adorable.
Over the last year, we've really been able to see her come into her own and it's been both wonderful and an extremely hard season for her. Her sensitive little heart cannot handle when she feels like you are being mean or you've wronged her in any way, so we're learning that our approach with a little girl is far different than what we experienced with Jude. There is a lot more talking. Lots and lots of talking. In all areas, she needs kinder, softer, and gentler.
She's uses this same approach in how she handles and cares for animals. Our girl loves any and all animals and often tells me she wants to be a zoo keeper when she gets older. She has moved from loving unicorns to loving the very much extinct, Tasmanian Tiger, thanks to her obsession with Wild Kratts.
The other day we were talking about Ocean Ramsey's documentary Saving Jaws and it completely broke our girl's heart what's happening to sharks around the world. She looks at me, and as serious as ever says, "Oh, that is just soo sad. When I get older I'm going to let a shark eat me. I feel so bad." She has such a genuine heart for all animals. Her love and gentle care for them is a window into her compassionate nature. She is always thinking of others and how to help them. Every day, I see her grow to be more and more like Jesus and I'm constantly learning from her, what a joy it is to be her mama.
Our third, and finally baby made her very, very quick debut on a cold January afternoon. I had taught all day and started feeling some uncomfortable pains once getting home. Nothing terrible, but close together, so we headed to the hospital shortly after. When they checked me in, the nurse said, "Well, you really don't seem like you're in labor, so don't get too comfortable. We will probably end up sending you home." Turns out, I was dilated to 9cm. She started to freak out a bit and quickly called in the doctor to double check.
Throughout the next hour I felt pain, but it was highly manageable. It was a weird experience. I would be laughing with everyone, stop for a minute to work through the contraction with my eyes closed, and then go back to laughing.
At one point, I shifted, had a contraction and said, "She's coming!" and our precious #3 was here in 2 pushes.
Our spunky girl, Quynn Elise, has been keeping us on our toes ever since.
Quynny is such a little firecracker. When she's feeling especially feisty, she grits her teeth off to the side, talks in a funny growly voice, and calls me a big chicky. Over the years, she has developed the most fun and creative personality. She could play make-believe for hours and always has elaborate stories to tell of all that's happening in her make-believe world. She loves Disney princesses and desperately wants to go to Disneyland so she can visit one in real life. You can often find her in a princess dress, spinning in slow circles, and singing to the Frozen 2 soundtrack in the kitchen.
She also is a bit more reserved and keeps to herself more than the others. She's the most shy of the three and has a hard time stepping out of the comfort of what she's familiar with. I posted on Facebook the other day that if you ever try to say hi to her, ask for a hug or kiss, or simply say, "Hello!" to her and she gives you one of her famous scowls, it's not you... it's her. She's a bit of a sassy pants, but boy do we love her.
Raising these little babes has been such an honor and each of them brings such a unique aspect to our team. Most of the time, I have no idea what the heck I'm doing and often find myself saying, "I wish God would just tell me what to do." Raising children is definitely not for the faint hearted. It has tested me in ways I never thought to be possible and has brought me to near breaking points, but what an absolute gift it is to get to pour into this next generation and get to teach them every day about the love of Jesus.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6: 5-7
Our greatest goal for them as they grow up is that they would learn to love God and love people.
When an expert on the law stood up to test Jesus in Luke 25, asking Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life, Jesus made it so simple and clear.
vs. 27 "He answered, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'love your neighbor as yourself.'"
So, that's it. It's that simple. Love God. Love people. We need more of this in our world.
When Jude turned 6, he asked me, "Is it alright if now that I'm 6, I can call you mom instead of mommy?" In that moment, my heart ached at how fast time is passing. When you're living it every day, you are a bit oblivious to the the immense changes happening right before your eyes and the speed it's happening. I often have to remind myself that this is a good thing and this is why God trusted us with these sweet souls. Each stage is new, different, and hard. Raising these little ones has kept me fully dependent on the Lord because there is no possible way I could do it without His guidance, strength, and grace.
Now, if you'll excuse me... I have three precious babies to go love on.
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