Anger is a Bugger.

I have started to write this blog post three different times within the last week. I really couldn't figure out what God wanted me to share and didn't feel that He was laying anything specific on my heart. Writer's block, if you will.

So here I am. A new week. Taking a stab at it again.

Recently, I shared an Instagram post about an experience I had with my kids, and it hit me. I knew what I needed to write about, primarily to work myself through it. It wasn't something I felt particularly comfortable talking about publicly, out of fear that it might make me seem like a bad mom. I knew I needed to dive deeper into it because it is something I have really struggled with lately. While I have some of the most fun, incredible, God-filled, loving, cuddle-bug moments with my kids... this post is not that.

Over the last week, Jude's teacher has been taking the kids through some lessons about empathy and what that means. In doing so, they've been learning about big emotions and how those emotions can often affect those around us, whether we mean to or not. Big stuff for 5 & 6-year-olds, but soo amazing. I love when my kids get fed life lessons from people other than me and Ty.

As I was listening in on Jude's lesson, I found myself more and more intrigued. The character in the video they were watching was talking about how when we feel big emotions, we often get stuck in a maze of that emotion. Meaning, we have a hard time finding our way out of it, causing us to get more and more frustrated and tangled.

In Ty's testimony, he describes it like spiraling into a dark hole. First anger, then shame, followed by guilt. The progression just keeps spiraling downward, making it difficult to pull yourself out of it. So, it makes me wonder... how do we work ourselves through negative emotions in a way that allows us to express what we're feeling without affecting those around us? How do we work through these big emotions without getting stuck in the maze, or following into the downward spiral? 

The other day, I was simultaneously trying to clean the kitchen and dining room area from the messes of the day while putting away the remaining groceries. Busy, distracted, and annoyed by the mess. I had taken the garbage out of the can and instead of just walking it out, I left the bag leaned up against the door to take out once I had a free moment. For whatever reason, it caught the attention of all three kids and they started to smack it with their stick swords, puncturing holes in it. I lost it. I yelled. I got so angry.

Very dramatically, to prove a point to my 6, 5, and 3-year-old, I grabbed the garbage and stormed outside. I grumbled and huffed all the way to the garbage can, where I literally said out loud to myself, "What are you doing?" As I walked inside, I prayed for God to give me what I needed to make the situation right. I knew right then that I would have to practice humility towards me littles ones. Man, oh man... not easy at all for me. I went to each of them individually and apologized, explaining to them that anger is an okay emotion to feel at times, but that it's never okay to take that anger out on those around us. Each gave me a hug, told me they forgave me, and also apologized for playing with the garbage.



I often talk with my kids about feeling big emotions, but I don't think we talk about it often enough as adults. We're expected to be at this point in our lives where we can handle it. Where we're able to deal with it and move on. But, I think it's important to recognize that even as adults, we need to have coping techniques when feelings like this arise. I wish I had the answer for how to do that, but I suppose I'm writing this post from a perspective of, "Share your wisdom with me." because I want to hear how you handle these moments and work yourself through feelings of frustration, nervousness, anxiousness, sadness, anger, etc.

I so badly wish that in those moments when I've reached my breaking point, I could just stop. Pray. Breathe. Pray some more. Recoup. Man, wouldn't it be much easier to do that in the moment rather than having to come back and restore a damaged relationship because of a reaction that in no way reflects the way of Jesus and the Fruits of the Spirit.

Anger is a bugger. The most frustrating thing about this stupid emotion I often feel is that I would not say I was an angry person growing up. I was pretty level headed and didn't get riled up too easily. So, why now? Why has this become my go-to? Is it the world that we're facing - always on the move, busy, hurried, that whenever something disrupts our flow, we can't handle it? I don't know where my short-temper developed, but I felt the need to turn to the Bible regarding what it has to say about anger and handling it. Did you know there is so much about anger in the Bible? Most that I read dealt with turning away from anger, not allowing it to control your life or how you treat others along the way.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says, "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

This verse. Whew. I love the first part, which is quoting Psalm 4:4, but hits on the point I want to ultimately come to peace with through all of this: It's okay to feel big emotions, but it is not okay to allow that emotion to cause us to sin against others. Anger is okay to feel and experience. It's normal and inevitable. It's not okay when I project that onto those around me. The same rings true with all big, negative emotions. I also love in this verse when it says, "...and do not give the devil a foothold." because that's exactly what he wants. He preys on us when we are weak. When that anger begins to arise, you can bet that the devil is watching closely, ready to pounce on the opportunity to use that against us.

God is so much bigger than that, though. It is only by His strength that we can work through these moments of weakness. It is through prayer, confession, forgiveness, and grace, that these moments can and will be restored.

As I went on to read, Ephesians 4:31-32 it says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

How much different might that silly garbage incident had been if I had just stopped what I was trying to get done, taken a deep breath, explained to my children why I couldn't have them do that, possibly disciplined if necessary if they chose not to listen, and been able to move on without letting my body rise up to that level over something so small.

Maybe that's the ticket. Slow down. Consider possible outcomes and determine which path you want this to go down and what type of person you want to portray to those around you. I want my children to see Christ reflected in how I handle these situations. I want to be a person that practices what I preach in my home. It's a daily practice. I know I have said it before, but I'll say it again... freedom from sin can only be found in and through Christ. If I don't want to allow my anger to cause me to sin, I best be turning to the Lord during those times. Lord, my Lord, work in my heart. I want so desperately to reflect the Fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) I mean, come on... not one was reflected in the garbage debacle, but I also know I serve a forgiving God who restores, renews, and will give me plenty of other chances to practice again.