Walking with the Wise

Making friends as an adult is so hard. While you're trying to juggle family, work, all the extras, and growing your faith, it's an easy thing to just play it off as, "Who has time for friends anyways?" But, over the last few years, I see why community is so important in God's eyes. I'm not talking about having all the friends. I'm talking about having a small community of people around you that are invested in your life, your marriage, your kids, your finances, your everything. They are the people that are not afraid of butting in too much, because they already know your greatest struggles and are there to celebrate with you during all the exciting moments of your life. This, my friends, was not something I ever expected to have in my life.

I've always been someone who struggled to make friends. I grew up being painfully shy and as an adult, it is something I still struggle with. I want so desperately to be that fun, outgoing girl that lights up the room when she walks in, but that is just not me.



Let me start by saying, I am blessed with the most amazing mom, dad, and sisters + a mother-in-law who are all the most incredible people to go through life with. They are the very first people I go to to celebrate successes and to help me through the hard stuff. We text or talk almost daily (At least I'm getting better about it now that my kids are getting older!) and still get together nearly every Friday night for dinner. I am a firm believer that immediate family are some of the most important earthly relationships we can have. I once heard a sermon regarding sibling relationships as the most important, aside from your spouse, because after your parents pass, they are the only ones who will have spent your entire life with you and will be your longest-lasting relationship of them all. Ty and I have been extremely intentional in building and deepening this relationship amongst our own children for this very reason. Built-in besties for life.

However, when it comes to friends outside of my family, I have always seemed to have a difficult time building these friendships.





Over the last few years, I found myself falling into a very worldly, very ugly hole of insecurities. Like most people in this world, I sought to be well liked and known by people I hung around with. I felt an internal battle with knowing that God designed me uniquely and preciously in His image while still wanting to fit the mold of what the world says is special, beautiful, and desired. The two just didn't seem to match up and I didn't know how to handle that. I was more concerned about how people viewed me externally than who I was internally and who the Lord created me to be.

It was in this struggle that I began to realize that it was this exact mindset that was holding me back from really reaching deep community with other women. Instead of worrying where their hearts were at, where they stood on important life issues, how they were living out their roles as a wife and mother, and if they were deepening their relationship with the Lord, I was more concerned about whether they liked me. Whether they thought I was worthy of fitting into their life. The Lord opened my eyes in such a beautiful way and brought about some of the most amazing friendships I could have ever prayed for. 



As I mentioned, I am not an outgoing person at all, so to spark up a conversation with someone in hopes of building a friendship... is the absolute worst for me. Knowing this about me, the Lord brought people back into my life that I had known in my past and used mutual friends to bring us all together. A small but mighty group of people I am so thankful to do life with. I could write a whole blog post about how God worked in our lives to bring us all together because it was only by His hand that it all unfolded the way it did. Regardless of where we once were or how we drifted apart, I feel completely blessed to have each of them in my life right now.



These are people that I know that either Ty or I could call at the drop of a hat and they would come. They know the ins and outs of my life. They love me, my family, and choose to walk alongside us as we try to figure life out. They allow me to be fully and completely myself, which is hard for me to do. It's easy to hold on to insecurities, and yes, there are still occasional times when I struggle because my mind automatically resorts to, "Oh gosh. What are they going to think about me?" But, the thing is... when you have genuine, authentic, God-given friendships in your life, His peace reigns. He gives me a sense of security to be myself around them and that is when I knew the difference between quality over quantity when it came to the relationships I wanted to invest in. When I found people that loved me for who I am... flaws, awkwardness, failures, and all.

God desires for us to live in community. "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:12-13. Although, I think it's okay, and very important, for us to be conscious about who we allow into our inner circle. "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'" 1 Corinthians 15:33. As Christians, we need discernment to know whether a friendship is one that will ultimately help strengthen our walk with the Lord or if it might cause us to fall into the patterns of the world instead. Proverbs 18:24 says, "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Over the last few years, I have had to come to peace with the fact that fewer, stronger, more intimate friendships are a far greater blessing than being well-liked by lots of people. I once heard that you become a combination of your five closest friends. So, if you think about those people in your life, do you feel good about who you will become? Will their passions, values, and the way they do life rub off on you in a good way?

"Friends multiply joys, and they divide sorrows. They encourage you in your strengths and they build you in your weaknesses. They make a massive difference to every aspect of your life."

-Stephen Foster - Pastor at HTB Church 

Finding these friends, and keeping them, are a skill we must be intentional about. Especially during certain seasons of our lives when it is easy to disregard them due to the busyness we face. Friendships don't just happen and remain strong. It takes a conscious effort on all parts to grow and be strengthened. I often think what a gift it is for our children to learn what true friendship looks like by our example. As Proverbs 13:20 says, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." I want to teach my children to be intentional about the friends they choose to walk with through life. I want them to be aware of choosing wise friends, so that they have support when it comes to standing firm against worldly pressures. I thank God that I know they are being raised alongside other children who are being taught the same values and beliefs we are working to instill in our own kids.

Lord, I pray that you help me be wise about who I open my heart to because I realize how deeply these relationships influence the type of person I am becoming. I thank You for a family that are truly my best friends and for the other friendships You have brought into my life along the way. I praise You for relationships with people who influence me to be better and dive deeper into relationship with You. By walking with them, I know I am becoming more wise, and what a gift that is.